How NOT to Scare Classmates Away: The “Donts” of Making New Friends

How NOT to Scare Classmates Away: The “Donts” of Making New Friends
By: Carlene Morillo

Many people decide to attend college, not only in pursuit of higher education, but also to meet new and interesting people. Four years –some may even have to stay for five –of college can be very painful without having friends to make memories with. I know that friendship is a concern for many new incoming students, and even some retuning students. The classic answer to making friends in college is to join clubs. But what do you do next? Or more importantly, what do you NOT DO so you do not scare away potential friends?

When meeting people for the first time make sure to try and not get too personal. No one wants to know about how many times you used the bathroom in the past hour or how bad your armpits smell, within the first minutes of meeting you, or ever for that matter. Try not to talk about people who are not present or that your company may not know. Yes, that means you have to refrain from talking about your boyfriend or girlfriend back at home, for at least one conversation. But, that does not exclude gossip. I know everyone says that they do not like gossips. But let’s be honest, we know we love it. It is surprising the number of people that have come together over a juicy whisper about other people’s business.

For a college student, Facebook is a great internet tool for connecting with fellow classmates. Remember, it is still the internet and there are a lot of crazies out there, so be careful in choosing who could see your profile. Once, my friend was approached by a Facebook friend while shopping. She had never met this person before, and did not even remember accepting her friendship request online. This internet acquaintance went about making a new buddy the wrong way and completely freaked out my friend. If you see someone on Facebook that you recognize, but you are not sure that the person may know who you are, send a message with your friend request. The message could be something as simple as, “hey, aren’t you in my English class?” This way you can approach the person in class without seeming threatening. Now you have started a dialogue both virtually and in real life. This is the solution to avoiding the problem of having an online friend that you never talk to because you think it would be too awkward.

Do not typecast yourself. When looking for friends, some may find it comforting to seek people who are similar to themselves or to their old friends. Come out of your box. Try not to be the person who only has black friends, or gay friends, or dance major friends. I know of this one girl who only has guy friends and is portrayed as the “campus slut.” If you want to have the full college experience, you have to open yourself to the diversity it has to offer. And seriously, no one wants to be confined to a label, especially one like ‘campus slut.’

Finally, do not be quick to judge. We all know that first impressions are crucial, but do not base your complete judgment just on that. My friend’s internet acquaintance could have turned out to be completely not-a-psycho; given another circumstance, that is. Maybe the campus girl with only male friends is lesbian. You never know until you really get to know who people are. So, give people a second and third shot; I am sure you would appreciate people doing the same for you. I wish everyone good luck while friend hunting.